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“I am the one who made it out, the one who always made the grade.  But maybe I should have just stayed home…When I was a child I stayed wide awake, climbed to the highest place on every fire escape, restless to climb…I got every scholarship, saved every dollar, the first to go to college…How do I tell them why I’m coming back home?  With my eyes on the horizon, just me and the G double-U B, asking ‘Gee, V., what’ll you be…?'” 

I talk to my friend Stephanie on an almost daily basis.  She’s the one person I know who fully understands how I feel about my chosen career.  I tend to forget that not everyone is an artist, and some may see it as a stupid and unmotivated career choice.  My grandmother, for one, without having seen me perform since my first musical in the 10th grade, thinks I’m not good enough.  She thinks I should just give up, and I’m sure she’s not alone. 

With shows like X-Factor and American Idol, talented individuals are able to compete for contracts on a grand scale.  That’s ultimately what they’re going for, a contract to release an album and exposure.  It’s great for a few, but in the years we’ve had those shows, I can count on one hand how many of those people have had any staying power.  Being a singer has been made into a spectacle, a game show.  People all over the world tune in once a week to see five minute clips of singers and twenty minutes of celebrity judges bickering, feverishly hoping their favorite gets through to the next round.  For a large percentage of people, that’s the extent of what they know when it comes to people who want to sing.  They see a hundred people who want to be famous, who go on to do reality television or land a contract, anyway.  In the eyes of the public, the goal is to get famous.  For many of those contestants, that is the goal.  For just as many, however, it’s more than that. 

Only one person can win on a show like American Idol.  Viewers see that person and her competition week by week, hearing snippets about her life and how badly she wants to win.  They relate to her and love her, or hate her because they feel connected with another contestant.  She wins and they start over the next year.  She’s a memory and they have a new contestant to cheer for.  The viewers, at home eating dinner and thinking about their daily jobs, escape into the contests.  They don’t see the hours spent practicing, the nights those contestants spend crying themselves to sleep because they want it so bad it physically pains them.  They don’t see the years of training some of those singers had before auditioning for the show.  The many rejections they endured, the feelings of despair, wondering if they should quit…

Meet Todd, who watches AI regularly and goes to work at his desk the next morning, he must sell and organize and make calls.  He slaves away all day, working hard for a weekly paycheck.  Todd has bills and rent to pay, groceries to buy, and he wants to still have enough to go have a drink with the guys.  He’s also paying off loans from college.  He went for four years, spent the first having a good time.  He wasn’t the best student, but he passed all of his classes and graduated in the top half of his class.  Now he works in a cubicle, working for a guy who always gives him extra paperwork.  Todd has always been told he had a good voice and thinks, “I should try out for that show.  My life would be so much easier if I won and got famous like those kids.”  The thought crosses his mind because he wants an easier life, and that seems like the way to do it, getting famous.  Unfortunately, that’s how many people see those shows.  That’s how they look at those performers’ dreams.  Even more unfortunate, that’s how many of the contestants themselves seem to feel. 

I’ve never had a lust for “fame,” so much as a desire for true success.  What that means to some is, indeed, fame.  I’ll admit that, for what I want to do, being known widely is a mark of success.  I don’t want to go on some show so people can hear a few Youtube-length bits of my skills, vote for me, and I can release a CD that’s forgotten by the next season, though. 

I often forget that outsiders, non-artists, the Todds of the world don’t see the motivation a music-related career takes because of shows like that.  To be clear, I want to do musical theater.  I’d love to gain the staying power of artists such as Bernadette Peters, Julie Andrews, Carol Burnett, Sutton Foster, and Elaine Stritch.  That’s the ultimate goal, being known enough to work with the best writers and composers, being called upon by Sondheim and the like, and working for 50+ years.  I don’t want to “get famous.”  I want to WORK.  I want to spend hours upon hours honing my technique.  Artists in musical theater must dance, sing, act, fight.  Their feet bleed from hours of ballet, jazz, tap, and other styles of dance.  Their bones become sore and they have to move through the pain, dancing or with stage fighting.  They must train their voices to withstand the kind of stress that the Todds of the world could never imagine.  Even with training, they risk blowing out their chords or needing surgery (such as Julie Andrews had recently).  They put themselves through brutal training, beaten and broken, knowing that for every ten auditions they attend, they may land just one job.  It’s not an easy choice.  The people who get into it because they think it’ll be an easy road to fame typically don’t last.  It’s grueling work, exhausting and the source of many gallons of tears. 

So, why do we want it?   Why do we put ourselves through hell, needing to work part-time jobs for years, spending what we do make on schools, audition materials, dance equipment, chiropractors and foot specialists for that kind of self-inflicted torture?  Well, I certainly don’t do it for the elusive fifteen minutes of fame.  For me, all of that pain, all of that rejection, all of the doubters and naysayers…all of it is worth the exhilaration I get from performing on stage.  If I get one job out of ten, it’s worth the torture, the hair-pulling, the crying.  Bloodied and blistered toes won’t deter me.  My own family members telling me I won’t make it, that I’m not good enough, won’t make me quit.  I’m already good, I know I have the potential to be great, and I damn sure have the motivation. 

I forget at times to look through the eyes of those who think being a musical theater artist is a stupid and unmotivated career choice.  I find it hard to understand why they don’t seem to get just how important a dream like this is.  I wonder how they don’t understand, if they’ve ever felt the way I do about their careers.  I wonder how people can put themselves into 30+ years of debt to work their dream jobs as doctors and lawyers, but not understand how I want to perform.  How can they look at it as something to just wave away?  Then I remember that they don’t know the pain, the struggle, the WORK that goes into it.  They don’t know much more than what they see on television.  I can’t get upset if that’s all they’ve been exposed to.  It is an insane career choice because of how much work and motivation it actually does take. 

No one in my immediate family seems to understand that.  They all seem happy to live lives on food stamps and welfare, in crap apartments in bad neighborhoods where their children can’t even walk home alone.  They spend their time drinking and indulging addictions, generation after generation of broken people.  I was the only one of my siblings to graduate high school, the first to go to college because I worked my ass off and got scholarships.  I moved from place to place and tried all the time to keep on the “right” track, to do the sensible thing.  I don’t want to follow in their footsteps, I never did.  I have the smarts to be a doctor or lawyer, if I really wanted to, and it wouldn’t have been all that much of a struggle for me.  Those paths simply aren’t right for me.  I want to push myself harder than ever before.  I want to train hard and work harder.  I just need the chance.  Merci d’avoir lu, kittens.  ^_^

Adieu, mon amis! ❤

-V. 

P.S.  As I mentioned, I’ve gone to college before (for biochemistry before switching to art).  Because of that, I don’t qualify for as much financial aid as I need to get the training I need.  It’s very unfortunate, as due to various happenings, I don’t qualify for a loan without a cosigner, either.  So, I’m asking you for a little assistance.  Every little bit counts, and even sharing with your friends, followers, and subscribers will help.  Please, check out my donor page here: http://www.gofundme.com/1p5jdw I understand that times are hard, and if you can’t offer anything, a few words of support are just as appreciated.  Thank you for your time.  ❤